HOUSEISMS/ HOUSISMS – Dr Gregory House’s Satirical Jabs

Season 1 | Episode 1 (Pilot)

Rebecca Adler: I just want to die with a little dignity.
Dr. House: There's no such thing! Our bodies break down, sometimes when we're 90, sometimes before we're even born, but it always happens and there's never any dignity in it. I don't care if you can walk, see, wipe your own ass. It's always ugly -- Always! We can live with dignity; we can't die with it.

Season 1 | Episode 2 (Paternity)

Dr. Foreman: He probably just moved. Nobody stays perfectly still for their MRI.
Dr. House: Yeah, he probably got restless and shifted one hemisphere of his brain to a more comfortable position.


Season 1 | Episode 5 (Damned if You Do)

Dr. House: I've found that when you want to know the truth about someone, that someone is probably the last person you should ask.

Season 1 | Episode 6 (The Socratic Method)

Luke: Is this a good hospital?
Dr. House: Depends on what you mean by "good". I like the chairs.

Season 1 | Episode 7 (Fidelity)

House: As long as you're trying to be good, you can do whatever you want.
Dr. Wilson: And as long as you're not trying, you can say whatever you want.
Dr. House: So between us, we can do whatever we want. We can rule the world!

Dr. House: Clinical depression. Incredibly contagious. Every time I get around one of them, I get blue.

Season 1 | Episode 8 (Poison)

Dr. Foreman: The kid was just taking his AP calculus exam when all of a sudden he got nauseous and disoriented.
Dr. House: That's the way calculus presents.

Dr. House: I'm sorry - the fact that the sexual pleasure center of your cerebral cortex has been overstimulated by spirochetes is a poor basis for a relationship. I learned that one the hard way.

Season 1 | Episode 11 (Detox)

Dr. House: I take risks - sometimes patients die. But not taking risks causes more patients to die. So I guess my biggest problem is I've been cursed with the ability to do the math.